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(no subject) [Jul. 26th, 2004|07:11 pm]
emo boy
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(no subject) [Jul. 25th, 2004|08:40 pm]
emo boy
so i got two cds of amazon.
Hype: the soundtrack
Sweet relief: a tribute to victoria williams.

both of these cds have blown me away.

really good music.

im not sure what to write about anymore. as i get closer to leaving i get this sence of security. lat time i was there i was happy, but that ended quick. and the time i was there before that...i was strung out.
this time, it should be difrent. im hoping at least. it will be good to get away from the music scene for a bit.

someone came over to lookat my guitars today. they might buy one. however, isold them a pedal and some dvds. thats some extra cash in my pocket.
i went to a barbq. damn, my stomach hurts.

so when this kid was at my house, i took the opurtunity to show of my guitar playing. he was very impresed. so my ego has increased a bit. i rediscovered that emotion i used to have with guitar.
has anyone ever heard me play when im happy? its a totally difrent sound.
this is an older song of mine. i just read it again, after a long while, i like it a bit.

homerooms of war

sometimes i forget
just why im sitting here
listening to the teacher
i try so hard to care

war is brewing in the world
that is what im told
but all i see are politicians
married to their chores

i think the chalkboards stearing back at me
the pictures seem to speak
i dont think i understand
they might be stupid are to weak

place a rifle in my hands
a drug in my mind
with every life we take
we learn to speak our side

try to hide are run away
try to fly towards the sun
but their plains will shoot you down
you are forbiden to speak for your kind

classroom critics, yes i know
they think they know so much
spend one day in the factory
come on lets try your luck

little girls are waiting
for their brand new dress
i just hurt for you to live
pleas help clean up the mess

hey man i just saw
that slide show you were talking about
when i looked real close
i found a deep and darker thought

grab me by my necktie
into the cattle carts
teach me to defend other vilians
and how too kill myself

try to hide are run away
try to fly towards the sun
but their plains will shoot you down
you are forbiden to speak for your kind

mother made me cookies
mother fed me milk
brother bought a brand new car
he doesnt care to help

we are all nobodys
until they pin on your badge
now if you die tommorow
you will be a hero in our minds

but just like everything else
war will come to an end
soldiers will return home
everyone happy to be their friends

but you have failed your finals
after class you will see me
no your not gonna escape
from our world of hypocricy

try to hide are run away
try to fly towards the sun
but their plains will shoot you down
you are forbiden to speak for your kind

let me know what you think.

i once apologized to someone, for being honest. thats pretty amusing, now that i look back in hindsight. i think they were the one that shouldve apologized.
doesnt really matter. thats why im saying it.

wake me up.
im bored as fuck.
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(no subject) [Jul. 23rd, 2004|08:38 am]
emo boy
Happy Birthday slash.
I'll see you on thursday.
Fatass with the long hair and glasees.
Please play estranged.
Fuck axl.
Hes a bad man.

Slash is one of the reasons i picked up guitar. Knocking on heavens doors was the first solo i learned. He doe its better then dylan. godfather theme was my secong solo. so slash is sorta like my guitar father. i never me thim, because im to lazy to hang around with a 2 hour line, after the show.
maybe this time.
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(no subject) [Jul. 18th, 2004|07:39 pm]
emo boy
work just ended.
i now have vacation for nine days.
its wierd.
alot of wierd things happened today.
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(no subject) [Jul. 17th, 2004|09:55 pm]
emo boy
It truely is the end of an era. For better are for worst, it is what i need. I am going to be alone for the next little while, but thats fine by me. I'm used to it, I have done it for at least 15 years. My writers block goes on. I destroyed a story I began a little while back. It just looked to real. It felt like I was selling myself out.
It sickens me. I see all these people falling in and out of "love". Yet they cant define the feeling. They will never know what it is like to live alone, because they settle for moments. Moments are over rated.
I stare at this FUCKING SCREEN. I'm waiting for something to happen. I can not live with this bullshit suburbian boredome anymore. I am sick and fucking tired of sleeping my life away. What the fuck am i suposed to do. I spent halm my life at concerts and record stores. Those people arent any better. We all wast our lives in pursuit of something greater. Life cant be summed up in two books and a movie.
I want the world to see this post. This is me in a fucking nutshell. An angry little boy.
I used to cut when i was younger. My arm used to be covered in blood and scars. I moved on from that a while ago. However, last night i was siting in my dark room, looking at a knife. So many thoughts whent through my mind. Thougts that scared me. I dislike being scared, it makes me feel vulnerable.
People are never there when you need them. Their to afraid to touch he fragile. It might break. But im fucking broken. YES, I am sad. YES, I am angry. Yes, i need a cigarete.
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(no subject) [Jul. 14th, 2004|06:23 pm]
emo boy
Whats it feel like to be loved?
Whats it feel like to be a slave to something you don't understand?
Whats it feel like to be betrayed by some of the only people you had any trust in?

This is a summary of my past 2 month.
Alot of wierd stuff.
Im changing. Im not afraid.
This isnt maturity. Maturity is completely relative. A fully matured human being can change. Change come from a relalization. Realization usually comes from boredom.

Many people ask me the following question: "Why are the people who love and care about you the people you throw away, and the people who consistently hurt you the people you stay atatched to?"
I enjoy the msiery, it makes me smile.
However, this is all changing. I have so far detached myself from two of the most negative people in my life. People thought they were my best friends. I don't generally have freinds. Im a pretty negative person.
Another question people ask me is: "How do you so easily push people away?"
Im not sure, I think its my super power.

Good news...
I booked my flight to sandiego and purchased tickets to the show!!!
SOCIAL DISTORTION = Its always been an adolescent dream of mine to see them live, so I'm rather thrilled.
FOO FIGHTERS = I've seen them before, and they put on a very entertaining show.
Im also gonna see an asortment of other bands there. Im really looking foward to it.
Then im off to Israel. The ticket has been purchased.
Im buying some music equipment such as a mixer and some mics to bring with em to israel. I'm gonna have alot of free time so I'm going to pay alot of attention to my music.

I'm no longer a delivery boy. The "manager" left. I use that term very loosely. So Im doing his job till I leave. I get less hours and more pay. This should turn out well, I hope. Theres a stereo at work, so im gonna bring some cd's tommorow.

I need some music sugestions:
These days I've been listening to:
Iron Maiden
Mother Love Bone
Pearl Jam
The Buisness
The Dead Boys
Anti Pasti
James Brown
Slick Rick
Velvet Underground
Joni Mitchell.

It doesn't have to be obscure are underground, Ill listen to anything.
As you can see, I've been rather mainstream lately.
I'm coll with that.
Theres two types of music.
Good music and bad music.
I forget who told me that.
But i live by it.
Now that I think about it, i think a 45 yearl old punk said that.
Music never dies.
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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2004|02:32 pm]
emo boy
So much has happened over the past month. Some of it is profound and some of it is shit. I'm a big fan of shit, im atracted to it in a very non sexual way. I wrote a new song it's not done yet, it needs to be touched up. However, I have begun recording my acoustic metal album. Just me, a guitar, and a ps-04 palm studio. All the lyrics will be wierd, focusing primarily on sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Maybe a little trip-hop too. That was a joke. I think.
Im gonna go into the last month when im more bored.
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(no subject) [Jul. 12th, 2004|02:15 pm]
emo boy
Is malmstein metal?
if so, is his acoustic stuff conisdered acoustic metal?
just wondering.
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(no subject) [Jul. 11th, 2004|06:49 pm]
emo boy

Im finally goign to see Mike Ness live!!!!

Im seeing them 3 days before i go to israel . Im flying all the way to San Diego!

I know my musical taste as of late is kinda lame. But i do have alot of adolescent dreams i want fullfilled. This is one of them.
Oh and the tijuana for some cheap stuff.
medicine and guitars.
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(no subject) [Jul. 9th, 2004|05:31 pm]
emo boy
For all of you who dont know, im leaving to israel in a month. Im going there to attempt to find myself while getting college credits. Most kids go right out of high school, however, i had many probelmes at that point in my life so i had to postpone. Im not a very religous kid, fact is i dont think most people call me religious. However ive studied the texts for years, aon ym own, and while i was forced to in elementry schools. But thats not the issue right now. In simple terms, someone i trusted for many years, make that two people ive trusted for a very long time, FUCKING STABED ME REALLY HARD IN THE BACK WITH A BLADE SERATED WITH LIES.
Ive always hated it when people yelled at me. Id rathere them beat the shit out of me then hit me. Words are powerful things. And i hate it when their not clear. When someones beating the shit out of you its clear.

Because of me going to israel, and maybe doing some other strange things after that. I am selling all my guitar except two. Im selling my ibanez art core, ibanez rg, ibanez gio, takamine g series acoustic. And everal other instruments. If anyones intrested, email me.
Im considering selling ym jagstang, but that will take alot of money and psychological crpiling.

I cant write anymore, its really killing me.
I tried writing to songs/poems. they were horible. FUCKING HORIBLE.

Im suposed to pick up my diploma from college on monday. DAMN, i keep forgeting. Ill get around to it if i remember next week.
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